Elevator Madness
by Leonahari
Summary: Envy, Ed, Al and Mei Chang get stuck in an elevator...


**This is my version of what happened when Envy, Ed and Al (with a hidden May Chang and Shou May) took the elevator…Just for gags. Enjoy! :D  
**

**Elevator Madness**

It was less than comforting when Ed and Al heard the soft 'ding' and the elevator doors slide open and knew they'd have to ride it along with Envy. Just the idea of being stuck in a tiny room for even a few seconds with the deranged homunculus was enough to make them want to – god forbid – _take the stairs_!

However, the said homunculus snapped, "Get in," before either of them could object and they entered without a word.

Awkward.

That was probably an understatement for how Ed and Al felt once the doors closed.

Envy stood staring at the button panel and watching as the numbers glowed with their ascent. They were headed to the top. It was just one…long…fucking…elevator…ride…

Ed stared up at the top of the door where the levels were displayed in bright orange lighting and sighed as he realized they were only about half way up.

Then, suddenly the elevator juddered. Envy, Ed and Al temporarily forgot their alliances and stared at each other in alarm.

"That can't be good…" Ed said.

"Did it stop?" Al asked, standing oddly still and trying to feel the movement of the elevator underfoot.

Envy turned to the call button and said, "I'll call up for –,"

The elevator jolted violently and caused them all to grab onto the closest thing for support. Al wedged his metal body into a corner. Envy launched himself at the railing and Ed toppled sideways into the wall.

Then the lights flickered and went out, leaving them in complete darkness. A terrible screech sounded from up above them and sent a wave of panic through them.

"Shit…"

"I can't see a thing. Brother, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Al…I landed on – oh, god!"

"Get the hell off me!"

A thud announced Ed had landed somewhere next to Al.

"Can someone push the 'open doors' button?" Al asked.

"…would if I could see it."

"Use alchemy and make a fucking light, genius."

"There's nothing to use! Besides, I think my arms stuck –,"

"How the hell did you manage that?"

"Al, are you holding my arm?"

"No! I'm not even near you!"

"Then, who…? Envy!?"

"NO! You can plainly hear I'm across from you!"

Someone sneezed and they all froze. Al gasped, "May Chang? Is that you?"

"Why is it so dark in here? Where are we?"

"You were hiding someone in your suit of armor!?" Envy snapped.

"You were going to kill her!"

"Can we all stop yelling!?"

"Chibi's right, we need to get this thing moving again –,"

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!"

"Ed, calm down!"

"We're on an elevator!?" May Chang suddenly clued in, "With _him_?"

Envy snarled, "What the fuck are you implying?"

An ominous and very final sounding 'clunk' the elevator dropped suddenly, causing May Chang to shriek, and stopped again.

There was an eerie silence. The lights flickered back on and the scene was far different than when they had first gotten onto the elevator. Alphonse was still stuck in the wall and was trying to wedge himself out. May Chang had Shou May attached to her face, trembling. Ed had somehow managed to get away from May and latched onto Envy instead, his arms were around his middle. Envy looked down at him with a menacing glare and Ed peeled himself off him and moved away.

"Well, I'm glad that's over," Al said, staring up at the number above the doors and waiting for them to open.

Nothing happened.

"…We're not _stuck_…are we?" Ed gaped.

May's face filled with dread as she removed Shou May and held her close.

Envy moved to the panel and hit the 'open doors' button.

Nothing happened.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no!" May whimpered.

"Seems so," Al replied to Ed's comment.

Envy hammered the panel again, but still nothing happened. He went to the doors and tried to get his fingers between them to wedge it open.

"What if they're the new doors?" Ed said, "They magnetically seal them for safety reasons. You won't be able to –,"

"Shut it, pipsqeak! We're doing this my way!"

"But if they're sealed magnetically then you'll –,"

There was a sudden flash of yellow light and a loud buzzing sound and Envy jumped back, waving his hands and howling in pain.

"- get shocked," Ed finished.

"No, no, no, this isn't happening! We can't be stuck!" May Chang turned to Al, "Can't you use alchemy?"

"I already told –,"

"Try the call button," Ed said and Envy pushed the button, and said into the speaker, "Anyone there? I'm with Fullmetal and his brother, but the elevator stopped. Hello? Can anyone here me?"

They all waited in silence.

A voice suddenly said, "Hello? Hello?"

Ed jumped across the elevator and shoved Envy aside. He pushed the button and said, "This is Edward Elric! Help! I'm with my brother and we've been taken captive by a homuncu – oof!"

Envy punched him in the gut and pushed him back. He pressed the call button again and said, "Just ignore him! He didn't take his meds this morning –,"

"Hello?" the voice said, and Envy stared at the speaker, dumbfounded.

"Can he not hear us?" Al asked.

Envy bared his teeth and bellowed into the speaker at the security guard, "Listen to me, you _asshole_! Can you hear me _now_!? I said we're stuck on this _fucking elevator_!"

They waited in silence. All four of them stared at the speaker.

After a few minutes of nothing but a soft buzzing of static, Envy gently pressed the call button again and sighed, "I-I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to shout! Don't take it personally! Will you help us now?"

Still nothing.

"I think the system's broken on the other end," Al said.

"Someone's bound to notice we're missing, right?" May asked hopefully with big dark eyes.

Ed turned to Envy, and asked, "That's right. Weren't you taking us to see someone? He'll probably notice we're late and –,"

Envy looked unconvinced, "Truth is today was my day off."

All three of them stared at the homunculus in confusion.

"…day off?" Ed repeated in a monotone voice.

Envy shrugged, "Hey, even homunculi can't be overworked. I get one day off a week and I can do anything I want, but since you idiots got me swallowed by Gluttony, my plans for today kinda fell apart. So, no ones expecting a visit from me until tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" May uttered, eyes wide and fearful.

Ed burst into a random fit of laughter. Everyone stared at him like he had gone insane.

"I think I missed the joke," Al said.

Ed managed to spew a few words out, "Envy…day off…plans?!" He laughed even harder.

Envy's face fell, "Is it really that hard to believe?"

Al chuckled, "It is a little unexpected."

May Chang suddenly exploded, "ISN'T ANYONE UPSET THAT WE'RE STUCK HERE UNTIL TOMORROW?!"

"I know!" Al gasped and looked up at the ceiling, "There's an escape hatch, right? We can climb out through there."

They all looked up at the ceiling and saw a tiny square-sized ray of hope.

"Can you reach it, Al?" Ed asked.

Al stood on his tip toes and raised his hands up to the ceiling, but it was out of his reach.

"Someone's going to have to get on my shoulders," Al said.

Ed turned to May. "You're the lightest," he said.

"But what if it's electrically charged again? I don't want to get a shock!"

All eyes fell on Envy, who snapped, "Oh, what? So, now I'm your guinea pig? I'm not going up there! Do you remember how heavy I am? I'd kill your little brother! Why don't you go up there, chibi? You get a shot at being taller than the rest of us for once."

Ed launched himself at Envy and started showering him with punches. Envy got a hold on one of his arms and twisted. Ed yelled out in pain.

"Stop it!" Al shouted, but Envy managed to get Ed pinned face down on the ground as he held his twisted arm above his head with a smirk.

"You wanna fight me, huh? Too bad I can't kill you. It'd be fun."

"Don't hurt him!"

Envy was suddenly kicked in the face by May Chang. He tumbled sideways and May landed next to Ed.

"Stupid bitch!" Envy scowled, wiping blood from his lip.

"Bring it, you big meanie!" May shouted.

"Stop both of you!" Al pushed himself between them. Ed stood up, flexing his arm and glaring at Envy. "This is getting us nowhere! Now, Envy, are you going to get on top of me or not?"

Envy snorted and burst out laughing. Ed also snickered a bit. May just looked confused.

Al sighed, "Wow… we're all so immature…"

"You could have said it differently." Ed laughed.

Al looked at Envy and said, "You're - how old? – and you're acting like you're Ed's age!"

Ed rounded on Al, "What's that suppose to mean!?"

"Never mind…"

"Um…This might be a stupid question, but will we run out of air in here?" May asked.

"That is a stupid question," Envy exclaimed.

"No - we shouldn't - look!" Al pointed up at an air vent in the top corner.

May seemed relieved by this. Envy smirked, "You're in luck, little girl. If that was the case, I'd kill you first. The less people who need to breath, the better – ouch!"

Ed hit him in the back of the head.

"We're not killing anyone!" he snapped. He turned to Al, "I'll try and open that hatch door, Al."

"Alright!" Al kneeled down and let Ed climb onto his shoulders. Slowly, Ed balanced himself and stood up.

Envy snickered, "Even at your full height you can't reach it?"

"Shut up!" Ed snapped, "Hey, Al, try standing up a bit – I'm only about a foot or so away…"

It was an amusing scene. May with Shou May and Envy stood, plastered to the wall of the elevator while Al sat crouched with Ed wobbling on his shoulders in the middle. Slowly, carefully, Al started to lift himself and Ed a bit.

May shivered, "I'm cold."

"Boohoo," Envy mumbled dispassionately.

"You're a jerk!"

Envy stared down at her and pointed at his split lip, "You kicked me, remember? I have the right!"

"Guys, could you just _pretend_ to get along?" Al asked hopefully.

He received a collective 'no' from all present, including Ed. Al sighed, "Why do I even bother…?"

"Stop moving, Al! That's good!" Ed said.

"Did you get it open?" Al asked, hopefully.

"Nope, he's too weak," Envy replied, as he and May watched Ed push with all his might against the hatch. It wouldn't budge.

"It's not moving!" He grunted.

"Could they have that sealed too?" Al asked.

"I don't see why," Envy replied, crossing his arms.

"Maybe you're not strong enough?" May commented.

"I think they have it locked or something?" Ed said.

Envy snorted, "An emergency exit that's locked? A little ironic, don't you think?"

May made a little sound and mumbled, "We're going to die here…"

"Yeah, if you don't shut up, you will die here," Envy flashed her a maniacal smile, "I promise."

"I don't like you one bit," May huffed.

"I don't care."

Ed wobbled a bit, "Al, stop moving."

"I'm not moving, you're moving!"

"Al!" Ed lost balance and toppled onto the floor.

"Oh, brother…" Envy sighed, covering his face, "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"So cold…" May shivered again.

Ed remained sitting and leaned against the wall, "Well, there goes our last option. Now, all we can do is wait."

"Wait for what?" May asked, "For someone to notice us? We already covered that! No one will notice we're missing until tomorrow!"

"Even then, does anyone even _know_ about this elevator besides the homunculi?" Al asked.

Envy frowned.

Ed dropped his gaze, "We're all doomed…"

"Do we even have any food?" May asked hopefully.

"Your cat," Envy deadpanned.

Shou May trembled in May's arms as Envy stared down at her. He licked his lips, "I heard they're a delicacy in some areas…"

"Put a sock in it!" Ed snapped, "We're not eating the cat."

Envy frowned and joined Ed on the floor. May and Al followed suit.

"We eat that cat or we starve to death," Envy protested.

"You can't eat Shou May!" May started sobbing.

"No one is going to eat anyone!" Al said.

"That's what _you_ think."

"Envy, you're immortal anyways. Why are you so worried?" Ed intervened.

"I'm not - I just want to kill something."

"Well, contain that…_urge_…until we're out of here," Al said.

Envy grumbled something about 'no fun', and everyone fell silent after that.

After a few minutes of everyone staring off into space, Ed shivered, "Is it just me or is it getting cold in here?"

"I've been trying to tell you –," May started, and Envy cut her off, "A bit."

Al looked up at the air vent, and said, "It may be pumping in air conditioning. It is hot outside."

"Can we turn it off?"

"Not from the elevator, idiot…"

"I'm not affected by it," Al said, "But you guys might get sick. You might want to…uh…make your own warmth."

He received horrified stares from all parties.

"Uh, that's just gross," May turned her nose up in disgust and moved further away from Envy.

Ed and Envy stared a glaring match. "There's no way I'm cuddling up with him."

"Why does everything I say get twisted into something sexual?" Al asked no one in particular, "What I meant was maybe you should move around or something. Get active, you know?"

No one was particularly keen on taking his advice. They all stayed firmly rooted to the floor. Talking became – for the moment – completely out of the question as each tried their own way of keeping warm. May had curled up into a little ball with Shou May and was rocking back and forth. Ed stared blankly at the wall.

Envy transformed so that he was wearing a thick parka.

Everyone stared at him.

"Hell no," Ed said, darkly, "You're gonna hand over the coat right now!"

Envy buried his face in the warmness of the scarf and muffled, "Every man for himself – hey!"

He looked down to find May had somehow snuggled herself up inside his jacket from the bottom up. Ed watched amused as the little ball on Envy's side moved and shuffled to get comfortable and then fell still again.

"Uh…get out!" Envy snapped, "You're sucking the heat right out of my body!"

"So…warm…" May muttered.

"Just leave her there, Envy. She's not hurting you," Al said.

Envy shot him a blank look, "My side is numb."

"…Oh."

"Let's play a game."

Everyone turned their gazes on Ed, who dropped the subject immediately.

"No, I think a game will be a good distraction," Al said.

"I'm not playing a _game_ with you idiots," Envy scowled.

"Why not? It's not like you have any dignity left to loose," Ed smirked.

"…I think we should play 'Truth or Dare'," Al suggested quickly deflating the situation. Ed shot him a look, and Envy raised an eyebrow.

"Uh…" Al quickly came up with a question to ask, "I'll go first. Envy – what's Father planning?"

Envy sighed, "Dare."

"Okay," Al thought, "You have to be nice to May Chang and Shou May."

Envy made a face close to disgust, "What kind of dare is that!?"

"You have to follow it," Al said firmly.

Envy grumbled.

"Now, it's your turn, Ed."

"I don't like this game."

"Ed!"

"Fine…Envy –,"

"Why the hell is everyone picking me!?"

"What is Father up to?"

"Argh…dare!"

"Give me your parka!" Ed shouted triumphantly.

Envy scowled and unzipped the jacket, "I hope you know it comes with an Xingese addition and her cat."

He threw the coat at Ed and May ran over and snuggled into the new owner of the jacket. Ed shivered, "Ah! You're right! She does suck the heat from you!"

Envy smirked, "My turn! Al – do you like boys?"

Al gasped, "What!?"

"Just answer the question. You did ask me to get on top of you."

"That wasn't what I meant!"

"Just answer the question!"

"No! And now it's my turn," Al said, "Since you're going to take it in this direction. Envy – you have to kiss Ed!"

"What!?" both Ed and Envy yelled.

"You heard me! You both made fun of me for that earlier comment. Now you get to pay!"

"Don't drag me into this, Al!"

"There's no way in hell I'm kissing that runt!"

Al laughed, "This just proves you both have dirty minds. I didn't even specify where and you're already complaining."

Envy jumped across the elevator before Al could be more specific, grabbed Ed's hand and kissed his knuckles. Then, he jumped back and sat down. Ed wiped his hand on his pants with a look of disgust, "Gross…"

A very unsettling sound emitted from the air vent and fell silent again. They all looked up at it with anticipation and fear.

"This day can't get any worse…can it?" Ed asked.

"What do you think it was?"

"I think we're all being paranoid now," Envy exclaimed.

"Well…we are stuck in an elevator," Al commented, "and you are our enemy…so…"

"I get the point, dumbass. I didn't need you to spell it out for me."

"There has got to be something else we can do…" Ed muttered thoughtfully.

" 'I Spy'?" Al offered.

"I was actually talking about escaping, but 'I Spy' sounds good too."

"Okay, I spy with my little eye…something orange."

"Numbers above the door," Envy threw out.

Al sighed, "I should have picked something harder."

Envy glanced around the room. He felt incredibly stupid. If only his fellow homunculi could see him now. "Uh, I spy with my little eye something pink."

"May's coat," Al said.

"Yeah…congrats you are now the new leader of this stupid game."

Al chose to ignore Envy. "I spy –,"

"This is tiring…" Ed complained.

"Do you have a better idea, Ed?" Al asked, heatedly. It seemed he was finally cracking.

"Yeah, we all shut the fuck up," Envy threw in. He was holding his head like it was about to explode, "I think I have a migraine…."

"I don't feel sorry for you," Ed said and casually started drumming his fingers on the floor.

Envy glared up at him through the cracks of his fingers.

Ed started in a sing-song voice, "You can't hurt me, I'm a sacrifice, nana na nana…"

A malicious glint flashed through Envy's eyes as he snarled, "Don't push your luck, fool…"

A slight buzzing sound was suddenly emitted from the intercom. Everyone looked at it in alarm. Ed stopped his taunting. Envy stopped glaring.

"Did everyone hear that?" May gasped, suddenly awake again, "Did that really happen?"

"Hello? Is anyone there?"

There was a mad rush to get to the call button. During these few seconds Ed got stepped on my May Chang, Al tripped over him, and Envy got punched.

"YES! WE'RE HERE!" Envy basically screamed into the speaker, his fist slammed firmly down on the call button, "Can anyone here me!? We're here!"

They waited.

When there was no reply, Envy frantically punched the call button again, and said, "We're in an _elevator_."

It pained him to state the obvious, but he figured they needed more information.

Still no reply.

Envy put his head against the panel, looking like all his hope had been crushed.

"I definitely heard it," May said, "Someone spoke. We couldn't all have imagined it, right?"

"Maybe Envy scared them away – you didn't need to scream like a girl," Ed mocked.

Envy lifted his face to glare at him again, "I can't take anymore of this lunacy. You're all idiots. You'd do the same if you were in my position."

"Uh…we are in your position," Al pointed out.

Ed shrugged off the jacket, "It's getting warm now."

Envy rounded on him, "Yeah, complain a little more – that will make everything better, won't it?"

"Don't start," Al sighed.

Ed ignored him, "At least I'm trying to keep it together. You've got a migraine and you're hearing voices!"

"We all heard that – _you_ too!" Envy snapped, jamming a finger at the intercom.

"Maybe you have to say 'over and out'," May chipped in.

Envy gave her a look. "This isn't a fucking 'I Spy' game, rice girl."

"I wasn't the one _playing_ 'I Spy', freaky monster thing!" May shot back, "I'm just saying, maybe you should ask nicely or something."

"Yeah, Envy," Ed mocked, "Use your sultry voice."

"Shut…up."

"Actually, that's not a bad idea," Al joined in, laughing, "You might get a response."

Envy moved to the furthest corner away from all of them. "You're all out of your goddamned minds."

He shrugged off his scarf and transformed back into his usual light-weight outfit, and started fanning himself.

"It's getting hot in here now," Ed agreed and looked up at the air conditioner.

"I think it turned off," Al said, "It did make a funny noise earlier."

Ed took off his red jacket and threw it next to the parka.

"Please for our sake, don't start stripping," Envy muttered. Beads of sweat were starting to form on his brow and dripped down his face from under his headband.

"For once I'm glad I don't have a normal body," Al commented.

"Don't rub it in, Al," Ed grinned.

"I'm not trying to – uh, Envy? What are you doing?"

Envy had moved. He had his whole body pressed against Al in a bear hug. He sighed, "Your metal's nice and cold…"

Ed jumped up, "That's a great idea!"

Suddenly Al found himself being hugged from both sides by Ed and Envy. "Uh…glad I could be of some comfort to you…?"

May watched them with a sad look. "Pitiful…"

"You're not bothered by the heat?" Al asked.

"In Xing it gets hotter than this," she explained. Shou May nodded in agreement.

"I bet in Xing you don't get suck in elevators…" Ed mumbled into Al's metal.

"A lot of buildings don't get any higher than two floors…so, no." May replied.

"We need a distraction from all this," Envy said, flatly.

"I offered to strip, but you shot that down," Ed joked.

"Do you want to want to play 'Truth or Dare' again?" Al asked.

"I'm not kissing Ed again," Envy deadpanned immediately.

"Whoa - what? How did I miss this?" May suddenly very attentive, "You kissed Ed!?"

"On his hand –," Envy started defensively.

"- it was a dare!" Ed added.

"I've never played 'Truth or Dare' before," May mused, "How does it work?"

"Are you a voyeur?" Envy smirked.

May's face went very red. "AM NOT!"

"Then, why do you want to play all of a sudden?" Envy taunted, "After you heard I kissed Ed, you seemed very inter –,"

"It's unrelated!" May snapped, "I don't want to play just because –,"

"Oh, but you do want to see it."

"NO, I DON'T!"

"You're a sick, sick little girl…"

"SHUT…UP!"

Al started laughing. "Why don't we just play the 'Truth' part? That seems harmless enough…"

"Okay, May – Are you a voyeur?" Envy grinned.

"NO!"

"Well, that settles it then – you're in denial."

"No, I'm –,"

"May, it's your turn now," Al piped up.

"Envy," May's eyes glinted with revenge, "Since you have such a dirty mind, have you had sexual dreams?"

"Of who?"

"Anyone."

"Uh, sure." Everyone stared at Envy.

The room fell awkwardly silent.

"It's natural!" Envy shouted defensively, "Ed, don't tell me you haven't had dreams of your automail mechanic!?"

"Uh…" Ed's face went beet red.

Al gasped, "You have!?"

Ed quickly redeemed himself, "It was only once! And…uh, as Envy pointed out, it's totally natural. You've had them too, right Al?"

"Actually…I can't say I have."

"We have to make up something you have to do if you lie," Envy said, flatly.

"I'm not lying!" Al snapped, "I'm telling the truth."

"How about spin the bottle?" Ed suggested.

"I've got a pen!" May exclaimed a little too happily.

"That'll work."

"Well, I don't see how I would be able to kiss anyone in this body," Al said.

"Use your annoyingly polite and appropriate imagination," Envy scowled.

"So, May," Al started, ignoring Envy's comment, "Do you have a crush on anyone in this room?"

Ed mocked, "It's Envy, right?"

"Ew, no!"

Envy looked deeply offended. "What am I not crushable?"

There was a short silence.

"Is that even a word?" Al asked.

"Of course it is," Envy said, as a matter-of-factly, "It's as real as zuwalawala."

Silence again.

Ed coughed. "So...who's turn is it?"

"May didn't answer her question," Al replied.

May looked disappointed that they remembered. "I don't have a crush on anyone."

"Get out the pen," Ed deadpanned.

"I'm not lying!"

"You're totally lying!"

May produced a pen from her pocket with a frustrated huff. "You guys are impossible."

She put it on the floor.

"Spin it, and don't guide it to your crush either," Envy snickered.

"I hate you all…" May spun the pen and it skipped a bit on the floor before coming to a rest near Ed.

"I think that means she has to kiss you, Ed," Al stated.

"But it's pointing away from me. It's pointing at the wall."

"Ed, you're closest to the pen."

"But it's not pointing –,"

"Why don't we spin it again?" May offered.

"So, you're obviously not her crush or she'd be all over you," Envy said, and looked up at Al, "Which leaves…"

"I don't have a crush on anyone!" May snapped, "I wasn't lying – okay, I _had _a crush on Ed once."

"Had?"

"Well…uh, you're not really my type," May said modestly.

"She means your short," Envy corrected.

"I am not –,"

"Okay, who's turn is it?" Al intervened.

"Mine," Ed said, quickly, "Envy – what is your deepest, darkest secret?"

Envy looked a little troubled.

"Uh, Ed, I don't think we _want_ to know his darkest secret," Al said, carefully.

"Oh, come on –," Ed started, but Envy gave an awkward cough.

"Is that supposed to mean something?" Ed asked, curiously.

Everyone stared at Envy, who looked like he wanted to hide somewhere. He sighed and looked down at the floor, and muttered, quietly, "_The Notebook_."

"_The Notebook_? What notebook?" Ed asked, confused.

May suddenly squealed, "Oh, the romance film! It was so sad!"

Envy nodded, face flushing brightly. "I went undercover for one of Father's jobs, and I was made to see it…"

"And?" Ed prodded.

Just as Ed's lips twitched up in a grin, Envy mumbled, "I cried."

May squealed, and Ed and Al burst out laughing. "You _cried_ watching a romance!?"

"I never thought you were the type!"

"Shut up!" Envy snapped, "It was a very manly movie! The ending was tragic!"

May gazed at Envy with sparkles in her eyes, "Wow…I had you completely wrong…you _are _a sensitive person."

Envy looked like he was going to puke. "Are you stupid? I'm probably the least sensitive person in the –,"

"Careful, Envy, or she'll start crushing on you next," Ed warned.

"I have only one man in my heart now…" May said, dreamily. The three males stared at her with terrified expressions.

"Let's all make a promise right now," Envy said, purely out of his own concern, "That what is revealed in the elevator, _stays_ in the elevator."

"I can agree to that, since I was the only sane person present to witness it all," Al replied. He received three equally chilling glares, "Oh, come on…you don't really think the way you've all been acting is decent, do you? I'm the one breaking up the fights, and –,"

"All in favor of voting Alphonse Elric off the elevator raise your hand," Envy shouted and raised his hand immediately. Ed looked hesitant.

"What is this? You can't vote me out of the elevator! That's impossible! Brother, he's clearly gone insane – _ED_!?"

Ed quickly put down his hand and pretended to be scratching the back of his head. May was the only one who didn't raise her hand. "This is ridiculous," she mumbled, "We can't kick him out."

"Is the heat getting to you?" Al asked everyone, "There is no _exit_. If there was, we wouldn't be here!"

The elevator suddenly juddered and the lights flickered out.

Al sighed, "This is just great…"

"Hey, uh…" Envy coughed, awkwardly, "If this suddenly drops thirty floors I just want everyone to know… I'll be okay."

There was an awkward silence.

"That doesn't really make us feel any better, Envy."

"Don't say things like that," came May's trembling voice, "I don't want to die in an elevator."

"Can I kill you somewhere else?"

"NO!"

"Sh – listen!" Al instructed.

Everyone fell silent.

The loud omniscient 'clunk' sound that they heard above them before shook the elevator, and after what seemed like an eternity, it started moving again. The lights flickered back on.

The elevator neatly stopped at the top floor, and with the same soft 'ping' as before the doors slid open, freeing them.

They all stared at the opening in which someone stood looking in at them with an expression of total shock.

Fuhrer King Bradley.

Envy immediately sprung away from Al, who he'd been hugging for cold comfort. Ed and Al stood up from the floor. May picked up her pen and Ed's red jacket and handed it to him.

After a moment of complete silence in which both the King and the elevator hostages stared at one another Envy was the only one able to string a few words together.

"…uh…we should really get this thing fixed…"

**Zuwalawala – the act of making up fake words.  
**


End file.
